Our hearts' desire to know and to love ever more is preeminently the human stance. This questioning, yearning to transcend our limits distinguishes us from the beasts of the forest and the grass of the fields. Our primal inclination is ever (forever) to be. It is a sixth proof inside of us of our affinity to something beyond just stuff. This is, literally, that other "stuff" that dreams and myth and meaning are made of--the archetypal, the geometric outlines of our human experience.
At the heart of the work of Alma Luz Villanueva, we find such desire. Beyond a fierce will to survive and a determination to rise above adversity, she reveals a yearning beyond our knowing and loving. The epigraph to her fifth book of poetry, Desire (1998) reveals this stance. The quote is from one of Sidonie Gabrielle Colette's (1893-1954) last books, Belles Saisons: A Colette Scrapbook, when Colette was in her eighties: "Everything I want . . . but even that would not be enough. " Villanueva transcends death in at least three ways: Not only has she survived the terrors of the night and the edge of the abyss in growing up, but she has also risen above the nihilism of post-modern despair through her successive recreations/resurrections of herself, of her innocence. Finally, although she does not see herself as being "above and independent of the universe," she does see herself embedded in nature's pascal rites of renewal, destined for transformation ("Transcendence").1 Since publishing Desire, Villanueva has published new poetry Vida, in 2002; and her latest collection, Soft Chaos, has gone to press this 2004.
Alma Luz Villanueva is a novelist, essayist, and writer of short fiction who lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Her first novel, The Ultraviolet Sky, a novel of resurrection, has the distinction of being listed among Five Hundred Great Books by Women, edited by Erica Bauermeister and others (Penguin)--a list of notable books written by women from the Thirteenth Century to the present. Naked Ladies, her second novel sensitively "explores a variety of relationships: interracial, heterosexual and homosexual," writes Los Angeles Times reviewer Veronica Chambers. In her collection of short stories Weeping Woman: La Llorona and Other Stories Villanueva explores a character with four life possibilities. Her recent novel Luna's California Poppies recovers a fractured childhood through a child's diary revisited. In her forthcoming novel, The Infrared Earth, Rosa, of The Ultraviolet Sky, appears as the main character's best friend.
I characterize Villanueva's vision as liminal because she stands with us on critical thresholds of the being and nothingness of our human experience. Like Janus, the god of the door, looking inward and outward, she tends the gate of a broken humanity ever needing a mending center.
Forever seeking the sun, she is like Quetzalcóatl--Venus--the Nahuatl flying serpent, the morning star, the evening star, whose colors are red and black, the color of dawn, the color of night, alpha and omega, beginning and end--the god of wisdom. Balanced on critical thresholds, throughout her life, she continues her ritual recreations. In her poem "Pulse," she tells us:
I wish to plant sunflowers,
immense faces toward the sun,
. . . . . . . . "To be empty and be filled . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with darkness. . . . with light. . . . . . . . . . . . . . I trust the color yellow:
desire, unfulfilled. O, endless desire:
empty/full empty/full. I trust my desire,
As we begin to move one from the threshold of a new millennium, hers is a necessary voice.2 She tells us, as individuals and as nations, to stop despairing. She addresses our minds and our hearts: truth and love must abide because of, not, as too often happens, despite us. In a special way, she addresses women and las cosas de las mujeres, the realities of women--their suffering and their power to restore life to what men have destroyed. In her poetic voice we sometimes hear a brimming tremolo of emotion, always a returning-to-center, somehow-there power to endure. Villanueva gets a firm grip on our elbow and encourages us, individually and collectively, to rise, again and again: there is meaning, there is purpose. She is one of us, laden with all the faults and knots. She, too, has achieved some measure of mental and spiritual maturity through the good times and the bad. She speaks our language; she can be loud and rowdy and bawdy, too. In her poetry, we experience that paradoxical feeling that José Ortega y Gasset describes as the feeling of being plagiarized. Her poetry nourishes us with this wisdom, bred of life.
Villanueva, a Chicana writer, is in the nomenclature of the moment, multi-racial--born in Santa Barbara, California, of an immigrant Mexican mother and a blonde, blue-eyed German-English father whom she never met. Her maternal grandfather was "Mexican (mestizo, mixed-blood, Spanish and Yaqui), and her grandmother, Jesús Luján de Villanueva, was a full-blood Yaqui Indian" (Autobiography 299-300). Alma Luz's mother was focused elsewhere, and her grandmother, Jesús Luján became her mother, her Mamacita.
In a segment of "California Poppy," her long closing poem of Desire, she sings us her song of herself:
I was born in California, beautiful,
holy, so sacred California. I was poor in California, and hungry
in California. I have stolen food as
a child in California. I stole baby clothes when
I was pregnant at 15 in California. I was punished for speaking Spanish
in school when I was 6 and learned
to speak English in California, in California. All my children--born when I was 15, 17,
21, 36--were born in sacred California. My 2 grandchildren were born in
holy, so sacred California. I've been on welfare in California. I've been married in California. I've been unmarried in California. I've been beaten in California. I've been raped in California. I've been healed in California, yes,
in this beautiful, holy, oh so sacred
California. I learned to write in English,
hearing my grandmother's voice, voices of my
ancestors, in sacred California.
In second grade, Villanueva was struck brutally on the hand with a ruler by a teacher. "Large, raised, blood-red welts rose on my hands," Villanueva writes in her autobiography, "making Mamacita furious. . . . I stayed home from school until the fourth grade. . . . " (303). When Alma Luz left school, her grandmother, a Christian woman like her Baptist minister husband, became her mother and her teacher. Villanueva recalls how, during the church Christmas pageant, Mamacita read poetry so dramatically:
You play death. You are death. You quote long stanzas from a poem I've
long forgotten; even fitful babies hush
such is the power of your voice,
fills us all.
Before Mamacita died--when Villanueva was eleven--her grandmother had given her tools for survival: a poet's enduring sense of wonder, and a sense of the importance of dreams passed down mother-to-mother through the generations. Poetry would save Villanueva's life; dreams would center her poetry.6 "From the beginning, poetry has saved my life," she says in an unpublished "Prose Statement on Poetry. " When her grandmother died, she rode a city bus in San Francisco "for about a week or so" and wrote poems about the people she saw on the bus (Autobiography 304). None of the poems survived, but she did.
Growing up pretty much on her own, tenement-smart and streetwise, at age twelve, she would tentatively come to know a next door neighbor, Claire Lewis McSpadden--nicknamed "'Whitey' . . . because of his white-blonde hair" (Autobiography 304). Villanueva speaks of Whitey as her real father. Ironically, "my biological father [also] had blue eyes and blonde hair," she writes (Letter/typescript 16).
After Mamacita's death--her transformation, Villanueva calls it--the little girl was essentially on her own. Life experiences almost kicked every star out of that child's sky. One night when she was pregnant at fourteen with her first child, Antoinette, she climbed to the top of a building under construction and looked into the abyss. But she stepped back (Autobiography 307). Again and again throughout her life she would return into the circle of life. Her grandmother's wisdom and love, to this day, has given her what she needs to survive the terrors of the night and the edge of the abyss.
After Marc, her third child, was born, her abusive Marine husband, father of her three children, told her that "he was seeing men"; shortly thereafter, he would step out of their lives. She would have to look out for herself. "To this day," she says, "I sleep with my large, sharp buck knife when alone or backpacking" (Autobiography 312). Again she faced a time of transformation; again she would have to raise herself up, re-member herself.
When she left this man she thought
she'd die. But she didn't. She thought
the sun would go out. But it didn't. And she heard a voice, distant
and small, but
she heard it. And her mouth opened slightly
and a word spilled out. The word
was 'I'. Inside
I am here. (do
you hear me?) hear
me. hear me
I am here. (pleading)
I am here. (teasing)
I am here. (taunting)
I am here. (simply)
I am here. (From "Mother, May I?")
But awful, awful things happen to us not only as individuals, but also as communities; as individuals and nations we do awful, awful things to one another. We, too, the people of the world, seem forever teetering on a roof edge in the night, flirting with the spirit of post-modern despair bred of a loss of faith in human reason, depleted by World Wars, genocides, and the threat of atomic annihilation. In the face of the destructiveness of nations and of the inhumanity of our kind, she explores the complex enduring power of the human spirit to survive and to affirm and to abide. Her poetry is at once paradigm and sometimes personal profile of the human condition. Hers is a powerful voice on the cusp of century's end. What she has to say matters, must be heard by her "Dear World"--the title of the fourth group of her poems in Desire.
Hers is an enduring faith in the ultimate goodness of the human spirit, in the spirit of Gandhi and of Martin Luther King. In her poem "An Act of Creation," dedicated to César Chávez, she confronts this conundrum:5
They keep rounding them up
through the centuries, killing
the innocent, so easily--
the babies, the children
the screaming mothers--
the men who do not beg
for mercy. Yes, yes, they
keep rounding up the victims,
. . . . . . A stubborn man fasts for
the farm workers--their children
are not born whole, and ours
will not be born whole. That
is an act of creation
. . . . . . . . . . . Yes, I understand
why the stubborn man
does not eat, pretending
to be a lamb, inviting
the wolves to feast
upon his sweet, brown
flesh. His spirit. (20-21)
The anonymous epigraph of Villanueva's last poem in Desire, is titled "November 30, 1997, Dear World. " It reiterates the subtext of her collection, if not of her writing: "The first innocence is given, the second is chosen. " "Dear World" assaults our complacency with a tragic ironic inversion, where the heinous becomes as common as butterflies:
Who are the guilty?
. . . . . . . . . . . Who are the innocents?
While certain dictators dream of
invisible viruses . . . . . . . . . . . . . While the young skinheads in Denver hate
a man from West Africa so much, they
kill him because his skin is the color of
pure dreams and the sun's light loved him. . . . . . While a 22-year-old student named Lara,
in Venezuela, is held in jail because
she speaks out for simple freedom--
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .where torture and rape is as common
as sunlight, moonlight, starlight, the songs
of birds, the flight of rainbow butterflies,
the child's first step, the child's first
smile, the child's first laughter, first
delight, and cries of hunger, discomfort,
quickly stilled by the rounded, full breast,
warm arms, soothing heart beat we all
remember from the innocence of the
womb. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . While the Universe waits
for us to listen, we are
forgiven and loved,
loved and forgiven. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . While a 14-year-old girl
named Anne Frank witnessed
cruelties I'll never know, daily, nightly,
in a German concentration camp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on July 15, 1944 (3 months before
I was born, still in the womb, listening),
this 14-year-old girl wrote:
". . . in spite of everything I still believe
people are good at heart. " At heart. In the heart. In the womb. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (170)
In the spirit of Anne Frank, Villanueva tells us in her autobiography, "I'm compassionate (and, I think, kind) . . . . Learning to trust the Earth, the natural (native) goodness of most people (all people are born with it--I don't believe in original sin'--I believe in 'original innocence') has made me a fierce warrior and lover of my life, and all life" (312). In this sense, the second innocence is chosen, that is, created by not yielding to the temptation against the Holy Spirit, which is to despair of love. Hers is the spirit of the Talmud that teaches the spirit of Tikkun Olam--the repairing of the world: We are not charged with finishing the task, but neither may we ever withdraw from it.
This turning toward life lies at the heart of her poem "Dear World," Winter Sun, December 3, 1995, in which she quotes President Clinton's words
. . . walking
with soldiers in Germany
before they leave for Bosnia--
. . . . . . . . . . . "We cannot stop
all war for all time, but
we can stop some wars. We cannot save all women
and children, but we can save
many of them. We can't do
everything, but we must do
what we can . . . The terrible
war in Bosnia is such a case. "
I am a woman who despises
the machinery of war . . . . . . . . . . . . . sick in my soul, hearing
the stories of the dead
children, the rape of women
the torture of men,
the innocent dead,
the innocent dead. And I am proud that my
president wants to weep. (137)
If we allow the evil that we experience in our lives and in the world to overwhelm us, we surrender to the cynicism of post-modern exhaustion; we just don't care anymore. And by all rights this woman should be dead, body and spirit; she should have irretrievably lost her innocence. But dreams have centered Villanueva's poetry, and poetry has saved her life, as have her four children. Villanueva, warrior and lover of life, has chosen her second innocence. Adult "reality" has not destroyed her sense of wonder and her belief in love. She "listens to [her] dreams" as Mamacita taught her (Autobiography 312). "When I began to fly in my dreams," she writes, "[Mamacita] encouraged me, telling me how to navigate that terrain. (In this culture the child who tells such things to the adult is told 'it's only a dream,' pretend, fantasy; they clip their wings in short)" (Letter).
Villanueva tells us that she keeps a journal of dreams; the oneiric, the stuff of dreams permeates her work. Her indomitable, childlike sense of wonder and dreaming are critically related because dreams are at the great threshold, that place of desire where all things are possible, where desire has full sway. Chicano novelist Rudolfo Anaya tells us that "the dream is the flight of the soul" (González-T. , "Interview" 460). My wife, with a woman's intuition, says: "Dreams are wishes of the heart. " In the spirit of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin,8 Villanueva sees a convergence of this potential for affirmation happening on a planetary scale: "I believe we are learning to dream together again even by the process of our 'online computers' linked to one another, we are slowly but surely becoming a global village, one species on planet Earth, whether we like it or not, evolution is unfolding as it should; and I say this to myself when I face the daily news . . . " (Letter)
In an unpublished poem "Pollen," dated July 1998, she sees this innocence chosen in the work of other poet survivors:
I'm a 53 year old
teenager in love with
the world. . . . . . . . . . . . . . My 17 year old son and I
pull at the wishbone-
I win, but say,
"I hereby give you
half- half for you and
half for me. " We laugh
and dance to his loud
punk music (I can barely
tolerate, but I dance
anyway to the Spirit
Of Dance). My teenager,
my last and final
teenager. Now, I must
become my own teenager-
fearless, furious, ridiculously
ALIVE Spirit of Dance. (I am a ripe, red plum. The mystery has devoured me. I grow slowly in the
Womb of the Mystery,
. . . . . . . . . . The sunflowers on the table
rained yellow yellow
on the faces of my ancestors:
Frida Kahlo, Federico Garcia Lorca. Their faces on my books. They stare at me. Covered in yellow yellow
pollen. Oh, my ancestors, speak:
tell me your wisdom. Tell me your truths. [They answer:]
"Okay, I'll admit it-
in spirit I'm a teenager
who loves to dance and eat
the reddest, ripest plums. . . . "
They say. Taking turns. Laughing in the yellow yellow
These authors, too, are like children. In the words of Victor Villasenor or, dancing flowers still light on their hands; they're not "just butterflies. "9 These writers help us to give shape and meaning to the chaos of our human experience.
Rudolfo Anaya tells us how suffering transforms a person, and "a new person must be born. That is inherent in life, a series of transformations, a constant coming into a new consciousness" (9). The writer can be a shaman restoring us to faith.
Villanueva address the final transformation in a powerful way. In her poetry, sometimes there is a sadness, an aloneness. Forever at the headlands of our humanity, Villanueva often has an elegiac tone. The setting is the threshold of the continent, looking to the sea, "the Pacific Ocean that I love like my own tidal blood" (Autobiography 301).
I stand on the wet edge
of the tide,
of the sea,
. . . . . . . . the sweet hiss of tide
. . . . . . . . (125-26)
She calls upon the timeless image of water as the symbol of life and death, in "The Real Sacred Game," one of the four poems in the closing frame of Desire. In it, she chastises her husband, whom she doesn't love anymore, who left her youngest son behind, this man
. . . who doesn't under
stand the beauty of
a son who surfs by
moonlight in the frigid
winter sea. . . . . . . . . . . . My son surfing under the
Full Moon. I see his
soul, his Death, in
fearless harmony . . . .
In her letter of 13 August, she reflects further on the nature of our ultimate transformation in recalling a beautiful dream she had of Whitey, about three months after he "left his body. . . . I went to 'the place of the dead,' a transitional place--I've dreamt this place before--a place where the spirit/soul rests while out of the body and waits for further instructions, and to choose what existence is next. " Later in the letter she speaks of Mamacita teaching her about dreams; "and," she adds, "I know that's why I chose to be born into my family, to be with Jesus, Mamacita, my teacher and beloved grandmother".
Speaking of her own final transformation she ends her poem "Empty Circle" with that prayer-like state into which Denise Levetrov says the poet can get caught up when writing a poem (O'Connell 25):
I will die in the afternoon, sunset,
into the freshness of a storm, the
night an onyx ring--I will be the
emptiness in the circle and death
will wear me like an ornament--I will
be a shadow on death's finger, a slender
nothingness. . All I ask for in this
life is the sun. That's all I want. (32)
In conclusion, innocence and wonder--paradise--has been given, has been lost, and must be re-membered. The poet becomes a paradigm of how we must somehow survive this death of life through our successive transformations at liminal abysses in our lives, as individuals and as a world community in convergence. Villanueva has not lost faith in human reason. She scrutinizes reality and the human experience for meaning. She revives, nourishes, and recreates our sense of wonder. She sees us embedded in nature, rather than as an accident of nature. She tells us that as adults, we must continue to wonder, to ask the great questions about ourselves--who we are, what is our origin and destiny, why there is evil. Dreams, "the wishes, [the desires] of the heart" do matter.
Her concern with transcendence is not a matter for a patronizing, dismissive shrug of the shoulder.11 Transcendence matters because that concern reveals that we matter. On the threshold of the millennium, Alma Luz Villanueva--the bruja, the witch--becomes Mamacita to our world.
1. Alejandro Morales writes an article on the archetypal, timeless, dimensionality of Villanueva's writing; Santiago Daydi-Tolson dismisses such a possibility. "Critics," he comments in his Dictionary of Literary Biography (DLB) article on Villanueva, "have insisted on the mythical quality of this poetry. The concrete images and topics . . . [Villanueva] selects to refer to concepts all create an immediate and physical image that counteracts any tendency to interpret her views on abstract terms" (315).
But where else do abstractions come from except, by definition, from the concrete whence they are drawn forth, "abs-trahere-d"? However, Daydi-Tolson's comment serves to call attention to how her poetry is nature-bound, earthy, sometimes strongly sexual, charged with Dionysian abandon.
She has the habit of listing images of nature, of people, of women hurt, "a primitive desire that," Richard Wilbur tells us, is radical to poetry--the desire to lay claim to as much of the world as possible through uttering the names of thing, . . . . a longing to possess the whole world, and to praise it, or at least to feel it" (470-71).
2. In an e-mail of 18 September 2004, Villanueva writes: . . . [O]f the threshold of a new millennium, I think of how the Mayan Long Count Calendar is coming to an end (a new beginning. . . . ) On December 21, 2012, when we will enter the Sixth World, the time they foretold will bring us humans to a new, spiritual unfolding. I'm sure it's going to take another 1,000 years , and as the humans we are the birth will be bloody, but we will learn we are One in spirit, one people, one planet, I'm sure in the most awful (awe full) way–I think of Castaneda's quote, of Don Juan, "The true art of a warrior is to balance terror and wonder. " I think of the time I held a wounded Merlin Hawk in the Sierras, how its talons began to dig into my palms when I picked him up, how I slowly walked to a tree stump (not pulling away in panic to be ripped open), holding him to my womb . . . . He perched there for a long time, shuddered, spread hi wide wings, flew . . . .
3. The Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset, in The Origin of Philosophy, writes that poets awaken in us that "strange phenomenon whereby the pleasure aroused by poetry and admiration for the poet stem, paradoxically, from our notion of being plagiarized. Everything he tells us we have previously 'felt,' except that we did not know how to express it. The poet," he says, "is the shrewd go-between with Man and himself" (63-64). We feel that the poet was listening in on our inner-speak--which Ortega y Gasset calls endophasia. We now know that we are not the only ones who have been in that moral space and time. S/he is gifted with the ability to tell, truly, exquisitely, who we are--what matters to us.
4. Critic Marta Ester Sánchez aptly notes that Villanueva as poet focuses less on dimensions of ethnicity. In her poetry, Sánchez suggests that Villanueva responds "primarily as a woman to the dominant masculine society in the United States. The relationship between her identities as woman and as poet is one of harmony and integration" (8). Kathryn Trueblood suggests that it was "the pace, expanse, and multiplicity of view afforded by the novel form," that gave Villanueva the space that she needed "to examine issues of Chicana identity" (608).
5. "I was in Catholic school," she writes, "and was also taught English by a beautiful nun behind a metal gate carved with roses. The one that hit me hit everyone, a real mean one; but I was always struck by that fact that she hit my hands. My beautiful hands. I really liked them at age seven, . . . I still do" (E-mail 18 September 2004).
6. ". . . Mamacita taught me 'dreaming' the way most native cultures have for centuries, whereas Western culture(s) wipe it out in the young child, and ALL children are born with their soul, spirit, essence in tune with the Universe, their receptors wide open. She guided me to open them further. " (Letter to author, 13 August 1998. )
5bis. In many of my presentations, I say that you cannot make a one-sided tortilla. I think ultimately of the human mystery of how the nether/verso side of our giving ourselves to the other in love is inextricably rooted in human freedom. A creature who can love is essentially compromised by the inherent possibility of turning inward in selfishness, in a Sartrean hell with an open door, but with "No Exit. " C. S. Lewis's, contemplating the conundrum, states it most poignantly in his personal essay A Grief Observed:
Sometimes, Lord, one is tempted to say that if you wanted us to behave like the lilies of the field, you might have given us an organization more like theirs. But that, I suppose, is just your grand experiment. Or no, not an experiment, for you have no need to find things out. Rather your grand enterprise. To make an organism which is also a spirit; to make that terrible oxymoron, a "spiritual animal. " To take a poor primate, a beast with nerve/endings all over it, a creature with a stomach that wants to be filled, a breeding animal that wants its mate, and say "Now get on with it. Become a god. (84-85).
6bis. . Butterflies, the Toltec symbol of life, appear frequently in Villanueva's poetry.
8sic. Philosopher, theologian, and scientist, de Chardin sees physical evolution as a continuum developing into a moral evolution. ". . . by hominization the universe has attained a higher level on which its physico-moral powers gradually take the form of a fundamental affinity, binding the individuals to one another and to what we have called the 'Omega point'. In us and around us, we have been able to conclude, the world's units are continually and increasingly personalizing, by approaching a goal of unification, itself personal; in such a way that the world's essential energy definitely radiates from this goal and finally flows back towards it; having confusedly set the cosmic mass in motion, it emerges from it to form the noosphere. What name should we give to an influence of this sort? Only one is possible: love" (145). See also de Chardin's The Phenomenon of Man.
9. Villasenor speaks of his realism as blinding him to the truth of the wonderful in his parent's stories:
Why, it was all true! I'd just been too much in my own head for so long that I couldn't see it. It was like the child who called to her mother, saying, "Mamá! Mamá! Please, come quick and see! A dancing flower has landed on my hand! And it loves me! Come and look! It can fly! It's an angel!"
And the mother, who'd been doing taxes all day long . . . said, "That's just a butterfly!"
"Oh," said the child, repeating what she had heard her mother say, "just a butterfly!" And then, that child knocked the insect off herself and never again could see butterflies with magic and wonder again.
And this is what happened to me once I'd left my mother's side and started school. The wonder, the magic, was ripped away from me" (35).
Children question, sometimes to the point of irritation. "Children," William J. O'Malley, S.J. writes in America magazine," like all genuine philosophers, are born mentally and sensorily ravenous. " The stifling begins about second grade, he adds (14).
10. In something of a Platonic vein, she also speaks of the body as an instrument of the essence (spirit/soul): "I feel the body is only a (wonderful, miraculous) vehicle for our essence here on Earth. " In her reflections on the nature of our transformation after death she lies somewhere between two other poets of the central California coast: Robinson Jeffers and William Everson (Brother Antoninus). Each in his own way, celebrated the divine in our oneness with nature.
11. At an American Literature Association Conference in San Diego, where I read a paper on an earlier collection of Alma Luz Villanueva's poetry Life Span, I concluded by speaking of the transcendent dimensions of her work. In the comment period that followed, a respected critic asked me, with a condescending shrug of his shoulders, "César, transcendence . . . ?" This paper is a response to that shrug. "
See "An Appreciation of Alma Luz Villanueva's Life Span. " Paper presented 1 June 1990, Bahia Hotel: panel, "Crossing Boundaries: Male Readings of Chicana Feminist Texts. " Moderator: Roberto Cantú; Cal-State U. , L.A.